The Reflection
by Rileyanna
Summary: Hey there! This is a story about love, hurt, trust, hate, death and life. This is a real story. Be aware that what is in here is happening right now. All over the world. People who do not know where to find themselves. I hope to reach you with this story and I hope to make you more aware of not judging a book by it's cover... Xx Riley
1. Chapter 1

**hey guys! Thank you for coming to this page. I need a place where I can put my story at the moment. A friend of mine suggested I should put it here. I thought it was a good idea. **

**So as you may have guessed by now, this is my story.**

**I let Midori play me and I replaced the names of the people in the story with the names of IE GO characters.**

**I do not own IE GO. I do own my life.**

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I stare at my reflection. Why is this? Why did it even start? Why me? The questions I always ask myself. I don't know the answer. No one can answer it for me. I'm all alone. I turn around and look at my desk. It's messy: pieces of paper, notebooks, books, school stuff everywhere. I should clean it again. I look at the ground and see the book that I'm reading at the moment, lying on the ground. I pick it up and put it on my white nightstand.

My room isn't too big or too small, it's exactly right. A bed, a desk, one big closet, one small closet, a nightstand, a big mirror and a lot of drawings on the wall. All drawings I made myself. Photos cover the white space above my desk. There aren't much left though. When I was in a bad mood I ripped some off and threw them away. I probably have enough pride to not get them out of the bin.

Against the big closet leans my hockey stick. I guess it's one of my most beloved things. I've played hockey for 6 years. Next year will be my seventh. I'm actually quite nervous for the next hockey season. A new team, a new start. I'm afraid that it will be just like two years ago. I don't want to go back.

My mom calls: food is ready. I go downstairs and see the rest of the family is already ready to eat. My mom, dad, little brother Gai and second little brother Yuuki. I sit down and see we eat pizza. I smile but on the inside, my stomach turns around. I think about what I've done today. Have I done enough sports for today? Didn't I eat something extra today? Well, since I cycled for 2 hours and only ate the most important meals, I guess I can allow myself to eat this round devil. My parents listen to Yuuki, the youngest, who is enthusiastically telling about his day, Gai, the second one, I'm the oldest, is just enjoying his pizza and I decide to join the conversation.

After dinner I go upstairs again to take a shower. The hot water is nice. My head empties itself and I feel good. But the good feeling doesn't last too long. I enter my room and stand again in front of my mirror. Now I have a good sight of my own body. My eyes fill with disgust. Everything just seems so wrong. When I see my own body in the mirror, I remember again why people left me out all the time. I remember again why I try to hide it under wide shirts and hoodies.

I put on my pajamas and lie down on my bed. I take my ipod, put on some sad music and close my eyes. I stopped worrying about homework a long time ago. I could do it easily before the lessons and teachers like me enough to let me get away with it if I didn't do the homework. As long as I didn't need to do it at home.

Next morning, 7 A.M, my alarm goes off and I wake up slowly and decide to stay in bed for another 15 minutes. Once I get up, it's the daily dilemma of which clothes I should wear today. I don't feel like looking fashionable and put on a light blue hoodie and dark blue jeans. After packing my bag and putting on mascara and eyeliner, I go downstairs to eat breakfast. My dad is downstairs reading the newspaper. As I eat breakfast, he is constantly watching me. As soon as Aoi stands before the house, I'm gone.

Aoi starts to talk about her "awesome" weekend and I don't really pay attention to it. I'm zoning out again.

_I've always been special. My whole life. It all started when I was born. I was born with one leg longer than the other and one arm longer than the other. Luckily, I grew over it. But I was tall. Very tall for my age. My parents both had work and I went to kindergarten where I met Mirai. But then, we moved to France: me, my mom, my dad and Gai. Later, I heard from my parents that the first year we were in France, I didn't speak at all. All I did was listen and I nearly brought my teacher a burnout because she would just try to make me talk, but I didn't. Apparently, I did listen very well to what everyone was saying because after that year, I suddenly started speaking fluidly French, surprising everyone. Especially my teacher. _

_In that year my mom got pregnant and in the last year we lived in France, I got my second little brother: Yuuki. All my parents attention went to the baby and I, as a 5 year old little girl, was disappointed in my parents. I felt like they ignored me. _

_It didn't last. After three years, we moved back to Holland. I saw Mirai again and it was a good time. But we moved again. this time to a village not so far from the village I used to live, I went to a new school and made new friends. Gai also grew up a little but he started to act differently. He had a test and we got the result he was autistic. A big shock to my parents and I heard my mother cry when she was on the phone with her beloved sister. Now that we were aware, we suddenly had to pay more attention to Gai. And of course, I was the big sister figure for him. I had to be nice and I couldn't lose my temper for even one minute or I would be the one who made Gai cry. As a girl of 7 years old, it was hard but I got used to it. _

_As a result of all this, I grew up too fast. _

I'm a grown-up in the body of a 14 year old.

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**I know, I know. there were grammar mistakes. Sorry for that. **

**There will come more chapters, certainly. **

**I want to give special thanks to Starheartgalaxy. She heard me out when I needed it and she supported the update.**

**O my god. i'm actually crying right now. it's the first time I ever went throught my own life like this. And at the moment, I still can't find a good ending. Thank you so much for reading this. :) **

**Review to let me know what you think!**

**Xx Riley**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heey everybody! here's the second chapter! Fast update, I know. I just really wanted to update. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: IE GO belongs to Leven 5. This is however my story. **

**Warning: This is no fiction. This is the hard truth.**

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It's 4 PM. My history teacher is mad at me. I fell asleep while watching an important documentary on the subject we're talking about right now. I just sit there and listen to him talking to my face about getting enough sleep at home and not at school. After 15 minutes of saying listening to that, I'm dismissed and I leave the classroom. As I enter the canteen, where my locker is, I see Aoi has already left. It doesn't surprise me. Why would she wait for me? She probably thinks it serves me just right.

I take my jacket and put my earplugs in and as I cycle back home I zone out again.

_School was easy. I was one of the smarter kids in my class, had perfect grades and had many friends. But when I went to high school everything changed. Suddenly, everything was about getting higher on the social ladder and being cool enough. I guess I didn't adapt fast enough to all of that so no wonder I was put in the lower ranks. The first semester of that year, I was the laughing stock of the class. Yes, I was bullied but after that semester, the class found another guy who they could laugh at and they left me alone. It was then when I got two friends there: Aoi and Akane. School became bearable._

_However, misery also started to form in my free time. That hockey season, I was put in a new team. I was nervous like hell and I just wanted those people to like me. Completely the opposite seemed to happen. I was being ignored. I was air for them and I was left out at every single thing they would do together. Nobody noticed. Not the coach, nor my parents. I didn't dare to tell anyone because then I would show weakness and on the other hand, I didn't dare to stand up for myself because I thought they would only laugh at me. I still went to training and games, but only to find myself crying in the shower afterwards. My hockey team seemed to dominate my life at the moment. _

_All I wished for was an escape. And I found it. I started eating. When I got the chance, I would take my wallet, go to the supermarket and buy whatever I felt like eating. I ate and ate till I felt sick of all the food. This went on. I became an expert at smuggling packages of cookies and chocolate and I practiced my lying skills everyday on my parents._

_After 8 months, I started to see what the huge amounts of food did to me. I saw I became fat. One day my mom even told me. "Midori, now when I look at you, you look much fatter than last year. What is your weight?" I gained 15 kilograms over 8 months. I was shocked and started to see the logic in things. The reason my hockey team started to ignore me more and more was because of my looks. _

I reach home to see that there's nobody home. Luckily I have the keys and I dump my schoolbag at the bottom of the stairs. I go to the kitchen and take a bag of chips. I know I'm only allowed to eat one cup but I guess no one will notice one or two cups more.

_I got a love/hate relationship with food. One the one hand it would offer me an escape from everything. On the other hand it was a curse because it only made me fat. I still had binges. A lot actually, but I found a way that would decrease the impact of those binges. I would go running for an hour or I ate less at breakfast and sometimes didn't eat lunch at all. I couldn't look in the mirror. I was scared of what I would see there. An ugly, fat girl with a terrible personality. _

_I got irritated very quickly and was mad at my parents all the time. I even lost my patience with Gai so afterwards I only felt even more guilty because I made him cry again. I cried more than I smiled and at school I hid everything from Aoi and Akane. I thought they weren't waiting for my story. _

_One day, my mom came home unexpectedly and she went to my room. She found me. I was crying while eating a whole box of whatever I wanted to eat at the moment. The floor was filled with empty packages and I was sitting in the middle of it. My mom turned away. I thought she did that in disgust of me and I started to cry even harder. Then my mom took me in her arms and took me downstairs. We didn't talk about it till that evening when my father came home. I didn't think I had ever seen them that mad. We yelled at each other and I cried myself to sleep that night, again._

_The next day, my father was free from work and he didn't allow me to go to school. He send me to the doctor and I had a talk with that doctor for half of the day. When I came back home I was in such a shock that I wasn't able to talk and just stared in the distance. After an hour, I told my father I needed to see a special doctor tomorrow together with my parents. _

I look at the empty bag of chips. I couldn't keep myself from it. I throw the empty bag away and go to my room to put on some sports clothes. I go outside, put in my earplugs again, put on some music and start running. I concentrate only on the music. It's the usual stuff: Skillet, Breaking Benjamin, Avenged Sevenfold, Nickelback. I was never really the one to listen to party music. I prefer sad songs, hiphop, rock or metal. It's more my kind of thing.

_The next day, after the conversation with that special doctor, I was in denial. I didn't want to change life drastically. It couldn't be. Why me? Why now? I don't want to. _

_I_ don't want to be a girl with an eating disorder.

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**What d'ya think? Review Please! **

**I love comments! :)**

**Xx Riley**


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